Friday, July 14, 2017

Discovering Yourself Instead of Letting People Be in Charged of Your Own Destiny

"I used to think that I would get discovered by someone rich and famous one day...but I have decided I am going to discover myself."-CurlyDollTati #110
       When I was a little girl I used to live in Southern California.  I lived just a short drive away from Hollywood "The City of Dreams". I didn't have a lot of resources growing up or so I thought.  I always have had a Heavenly Father to look up to for encouragement and getting through those impossible moments.    
People used to tell me I was beautiful.That I should get into acting or modeling.  I thought it was a nice idea. The thought of being famous and rich, just like any child would think.  I heard stories of famous people getting discovered and I used to think that could happen to me.  I would be in the mall, the supermarket, the store, school, and someone with influence would point me out. They would see all my potential and talent and tell me they were going to make me a Star.  I would be shy at first and then accept it willingly. I would do anything for the chance in the mind of a child.  People would sometimes stop me in the mall and invite me to their casting calls, their auditions, their movie viewings. They would want me as their very own daughter.
       I saw the bottom growing up. I saw the struggle. I lived in a studio apartment where in my bedroom I could see the stove. I've been afraid of roaches coming to me while I was sleeping and licking my face. I've heard gunshots next door. I've heard people crying. I lived in the porn capital of America. I've used cardboard boxes as furniture and air mattresses as a permanent solution for no bed.  Handy me downs were a no brainer. Adjustments were always necessary.
       You can't tell me that wanting to be rich and famous was selfish.  My shy personality always showed and I've felt humbled for not having a lot. Looking back at it now, as I've grown up, I feel as though I don't need a rich and famous stranger to look at me and tell me that I'm beautiful or talented. I know that of myself already.  I spent all of my childhood searching and hoping for that moment but the moment never came. I never got to be on tv on Saturday mornings or in the Toppest Model Magazine.  Progressing into middle school and high school I used to dream of becoming a beautiful, rich, and famous Fashion Designer. I drew pictures of girls and women in detailed clothing design. I would go to fashion design college right after highschool to learn all tricks of the trade.  I guess that path wasn't for me or the timing wasn't right.
       I have new dreams now. Dreams that can make me in charged of my own destiny. Starting this website was the stepping stone and it makes me feel at peace. It makes me feel like I can make a difference no matter if it's big or small.   I am ready for change and my path to getting discovered is discovering myself and what I can do. I have the power to influence my own dreams and destiny with God and hard work. CurlyDollTati.com